More than I can handle?

Let's not sugar coat it - the past few months have been rough. Things have been rough and at times there has seemed to be no end in sight. I could go on and on (and write a book probably) about wanting to have a baby and trying to have a baby and spending a great deal of money and time in this attempt...with no baby. I could also go on and on about all of the side effects of this process - emotional, physical, and spiritual. I could also spend some time talking about how in the midst of this fertility crisis my husband lost his job; how for the past 6+ months we have lived on one income and even though he is now working (hallelujah) it is only part time and there is still a lot of financial stress. I could then talk for hours to you about my precious dog of 13 years passing away. And while Sophie was not human, she was the closest thing to it and she was a huge part of my heart and my life. Because of the above mentioned items I could discuss my occasional depression, anxiety, fear, and sadness. But I won't go into all of that. What I will say is that my personal suffering has been great. Not outwardly, but inwardly.

The reality is that the old saying "God won't give you more than you can handle" is just not true. We sometimes are faced with more than we can handle. There are days when I just feel like I can't go on, like I am empty, like I have nothing left to bring to the table. But when you and I get to the place that we are going through more than we can handle on our own that we finally turn to God. When life is flowers and butterflies we feel capable of taking on the world. But when life is full of uncertainties and questions without answers and pain..that is when we seek God. Because it is in those places we are finally are able to realize that life is greater than ourselves and we are not capable of doing it on our own. If we never get to the point of having more than we can handle we never come to the place of full reliance upon God.

II Corinthians 2:9-10  says: "...this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope and he will continue to deliver us."

I know it to be true that I cannot go through life on my own power alone. I believe with my whole being that God loves me and cares for me. I know that God has given me more than I can handle because I know that without Him I would be lying somewhere in a ditch still weeping from my own self pity and misery. But because of Him I am not. And while each day is a struggle, some days more so than others. While I will myself to continue to seek God's face, I know that he is with me. It is my prayer that through some of my spiritual numbness I will continue to be expectant of God's presence; that I may be restored, renewed, and revived.