Our Infertility Journey Part III

Our journey with infertility continues. (Part I & Part II) And incase you haven't figured it yet by the fact there is a part three, our fourth IUI was unsuccessful. Looking back over the past almost two years of a monthly disappointment the days all run together in big blurs. I'm sure though that this particular day, as with the rest, was filled with tears, feelings of hopelessness and defeat, and more tears. The thing I do remember though is that this day was dragged into multiple days due to some extra checking that the doctor wanted to do, which included an (negative) at home pregnancy test and a (negative) in-office blood pregnancy test. Despite the disappointment, we quickly recovered and went on with our lives (because really, what other choice is there). We stuck to our word and took a month off of doctor's appointments, medications, and procedures. We were lucky enough to spend a week of this month in Florida with my family, where a strict 'no talking about our infertility' rule was enforced. We came back home refreshed and renewed and confident that God would bless our month off with a natural conception, because in our minds what better way to give God the glory in this situation. However, as with our entire journey, God has other (and greater) plans for our lives.

 

This past weekend we completed our fifth and final IUI. Going into the appointment Coy and I had already decided this would be our last. Not only because of the financial burden of these procedures every month (and not to mentioned that Coy has been without a job for the past 2+ months) but also because of the emotional toll it takes on both of us. We know that it is time to get our focus back on life itself and away from all of the attention that fertility treatment demands. Although we know this was our last IUI we are not sure what the next route is. Whether we step away from treatments all together and begin making other plans for our life that do not involve children, or whether we start saving for IVF (which costs a whopping $12,000) remains to be discovered. Our prayer is that we won't have to worry about the other options because this IUI will be successful, but if not we will continue to pray for direction and peace.

 

That being said, this recent procedure brought a great deal of finality for me. And while part of this was relief to be done with the monthly stress of all that a procedure involves the other part involved a bit of mourning surrounding the fact that while we are not giving up on the idea of having our own child, we are giving up on some of the hope that the IUI's brought. And although it should have been this way all along, we must now put 100% of our hope and trust in the power and promises of God, because there is no longer any human procedure or medication for us to find our hope in.

 

I read this verse Sunday night (after our IUI) and it came at a perfect time, a reminder of God's plans for our lives and the restoration that he is going to continue to provide to us.

"The God of grace, who called you into his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. To Him be the power for ever and ever." 1 Peter 5: 10-11