6 years.

Although this is a little majorly delayed - this past May Coy and I celebrated 6 years of marriage. 

6 YEARS!!!

Six years that have been filled with so much laughter, love, and fun. 

Six years that also included some really tough times; tears, yelling (mainly me), and fights.

Yet despite those tough times it has been the best 6 years of my life. I wouldn't trade these past 6 years for anything else in the world. I am reminded time and time again just how lucky Coy and I were to find each other and I never want to take that for granted. We are certainly not perfect but we definitely perfect together. 

In our six years as a married couple we have:

- lived in 4 different homes

- purchased our first home

- bought one new car

-gone through 3 job changes 

- survived a period of unemployment 

- survived almost four years of struggling with infertility 

- church hunted, found a church

-switched churches and found a new church home

- welcomed 5 nieces and 1 nephew

-vacationed in Aruba, North Carolina, Florida (9 times), Colorado, Tennessee, Mexico, Texas, and Thailand

- said goodbye to our sweet dog Sophie and had two puppies, Murphy and Macy join our family

-gone to King's Island and Holiday World

-gone to multiple drive-in movies (our favorite)

- had 2 flat tires and replaced one side mirror (that someone knocked off while hitting a trash can)

-welcomed the most beautiful and amazing miracle baby into our family

Six years down and a lifetime to go!!

 Pre-life together (before Coy really knew who I was)

Day 1

Year 1

Year 2

Year 3

 Year 4

Year 5

Year 6

Now we give her to the Lord.

"So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord."

1 Samuel 1:28

Just as Hannah presented Samuel to the Lord, this past weekend we presented and dedicated Evelyn back to the Lord. Perhaps 'back' is not the right word. She has always been the Lord's. He knows her already. He loves her. He perfected her and brought her into being. And we are lucky enough to be her parents while here on this earth. Since before Evie's birth I have been praying that she will learn to love God and spend her life in relationship with him. I know the Lord has made her in his image and that he has amazing plans for her life. She is only three months old and I love being her mom. I love her smile. I love her new laughs. I love the way her eyes sparkle. I love her independent spirit. I love her from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet. And yet, God's love for her surpasses all of that. At times my heart feels like it could explode at how much I love this little baby...but still, God's love is greater than that. He loves her in a way I humanly cannot even fathom. She has been beautifully, intricately, and wonderfully made and she belongs to the Lord. She has always belonged to the Lord. And now it is our job as parents to surrender ourselves (our parenting, our actions, our words, our leading by example, our love for her) to the Lord. To surrender ourselves and her to the Lord so that he can use her and mold her and so that her life can reflect his love in all that she does. She will one day have to make the choice on her own - the choice whether she will follow the Lord or not. I will not be able to control or force this decision for her when the time comes. But I will do everything within my power to bring her as close to the feet of Jesus as I can so that when the time comes for her to make this decision she will want nothing more than to give her heart to Jesus. 

What a great responsibility we have as her parents! What a privilege! What a challenge! We prayed for this child. The Lord answered our prayers. Our only response is to dedicate her to him...where she has always been and where we pray she will always stay.

 

 

This Easter.

I have always loved Easter. I love the reminder of just how great God's love is for us and the sacrifice Jesus paid because of how much he loves us. That was the ultimate sacrifice and one that is a great reminder of my value even in the lowest of times.

This Easter Coy had gone to church early which left Evie and I getting ready at home by ourselves. We spend most mornings like this but we are typically not on a schedule so I was a little nervous how the morning would go. She did great. Stayed asleep while I got ready. Woke up at exactly the right time to be fed. Was happy getting dressed. We even had a few extra minutes for some snuggles and a photo shoot. It really was an Easter miracle. And on the way to church I cried nearly the whole drive there...Shortly before we left the house my sisters sent pictures of their kids in their Easter outfits and this year, after years of waiting and wanting...I was able to send one back of my baby. My perfect, beautiful, precious baby. I was once again reminded just how gracious the Lord has been to us. When I look into her face I cannot help but be overcome by the miracle of her life and the goodness of God. In the years we spent in the desert, as we waited to hear from the Lord and waited for answers, he provided. Through our tears and suffering, he provided. And now, as we enter into a new phase of our lives he is still providing.
Evelyn has certainly changed my life. She has changed our lives. She is stretching me in new and unforeseen ways. She is a miracle. A miracle that we waited a long time for. I never want to forget the  way that the Lord provided during the years we waited for her arrival. I never want to forget the graciousness of God to bless us with her when we had finally resigned to a life that was childless. In the same way I never want to forget or take for granted the sacrifice that Jesus paid for our lives on that cross so many years ago. My suffering as I waited on the Lord seemed unbearable at times. Yet this suffering was nothing compared to God giving his only Son. And this suffering, while it was great and made me ache in ways I had never experienced before, was nothing compared to the greatness that waited for me at the end.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint." 

Isaiah 40:31

During these four years of waiting there were times that I did grow weary and I definitely grew faint. But through it all I continued to hope in the Lord and he would renew my strength just when I thought I had none left. He is the ultimate provider. Even in the darkest of times he continues to provide. 

This Easter was especially special to me because we were able to celebrate with our precious little Evelyn. Although she is obviously much to young to know about Jesus and his love it is our hope that as she grows she will learn to love Him and spend her life in relationship with him. We pray this daily. We will continue to pray this for the rest of her life.                                                                      

our little baby model.

Several weeks ago Evie was captured by the amazing Amanda Barnes Photography. Amanda recently began doing newborn posed shots and our sweet baby was lucky enough to model for her. I couldn't have been more pleased with how to photos turned out and could not rave more about the wonderful work that Amanda did. She was so loving and patient with Evie and made the session enjoyable for both of us. 

I may be a little biased but the pictures are beyond adorable! 

Evelyn's Arrival

Our sweet little girl entered the world on Thursday, January 28, 2016 at 11:46 am. She was quite the surprise as she arrived almost two weeks early.
On Wednesday morning I went to my weekly doctor's appointment and felt totally normal. However, once they checked my blood pressure it was significantly high, around 150. (and hadn't been in any weeks prior). My doctor debated on what to do and eventually decided to send me to triage at the hospital to get monitored and get some blood work done to check for preeclampsia. On my way out she said she expected my blood pressure to go down and that if that happened she would see me again on Friday and likely schedule an induction on Sunday.
I sat in triage for over an hour waiting on my blood work to return. While my blood work came back normal my blood pressure had continued to be high (174/109 at it's highest). My doctor came over, checked to see if I was dialed at all, which I wasn't. Again, she debated on what to do but decided that she wanted to admit me because she didn't feel comfortable sending me home with that high of blood pressure. She especially didn't want to do this as she was off the next day and suspected the baby would come and I would have to use another doctor. That being set aside she decided to give me some medication to help with dilation and once this was done planned on starting induction the next day.
I was wheeled to my room and shortly after started the dilation medication. That evening I started contracting regularly; however, not terribly strong. Sometime in the middle of the night I started labor on my own. By the next morning I was in ALOT of pain. The doctor on call did not want to give me my epidural yet because I was only slightly dialed. Once my water broke I insisted on an epidural and  suffered through that getting done in between crazy and painful contractions (I am not at all sure how someone goes through this naturally - that epidural was my saving grace!). It was not long after this that my nurse was in by my side asking me to switch positions every few minutes. This went from side to side with pillows placed in different places and at one time even on all fours (while totally numb...interesting). She finally disclosed that they were concerned about the baby and were attempting to get the baby to move. Every time I had a contraction the baby's heart was going down and they suspected that there was a cord issue. She said that it could be the baby was holding the cord or lying on the cord (never mentioned the cord being wrapped around the baby's neck...but I'm sure this was the major suspicion) and every time I contracted the cord was being squeezed. We continued with this for about an hour; one position would work for a contraction and then the next contraction the baby's heart rate would again decline. Several nurses came in and out as well as the doctor. My nurse told me that they were planning on having the NICU present at the birth to ensure that if anything should be wrong there would be people there to assist right away.
There was debate over stopping my contractions and even adding fluid back into me to attempt to give the baby more room to move around. However, after checking my dilation and determining that I was fully dilated and effaced they made the quick decision to get the baby out ASAP. People started flowing into the room preparing for the delivery...however, within seconds it seemed they changed their minds and started preparing for an emergency c-section. I later found out that this was decided after the baby's heart rate dropped to 60 during a contraction. It all happened so fast I had little time to prepare and next I knew was in the OR getting prepped. Coy joined shortly after and was luckily feeling less scared than he was in moments before when I was leaving my room.
The staff was AMAZING and talked me/us through each moment and everything they were doing preparing for the baby. Although I had started feeling completely out of it due to the drugs I was doing my best to stay alert for the baby's delivery.
The first thing I heard was the nurse's comment about the baby's hair. I asked for the gender and only had a wait a few more seconds for Coy to announce that it was a GIRL! I got to glimpse her quickly before she was taken to the side of the room for the NICU nurses to evaluate her. They determined that she was healthy and she was shortly brought to Coy to hold. I got to look at her in-between being in and out of consciousness but otherwise was not able to touch her...one of my least favorite aspects of having a c-section.
She was determined to be absolutely perfect...something i already knew : ) and I got to hold her/lay her on me as we were wheeled back to our room. It took several more hours before I was conscious enough to hold her on my own. I felt like it was even longer before I was alert enough to actually comprehend this beautiful, amazing being that was my daughter.
I was later informed that the baby had in fact had the cord wrapped tightly around her neck. The next day one of the nurses came in to see me and admitted that she and the rest of the nursing staff were a little scared by the whole situation...something I had wondered but would have never known due to their composure during chaos. The staff was absolutely AMAZING and I cannot speak highly enough about them. I had never even allowed the thought of a c-section to enter my mind during my pregnancy. In fact...each week Coy and I read a pregnancy book and had skipped over every section related to a c-section. However, in the moment I never questioned it for a second and just wanted this baby to come quick and safety.
This little baby was already a miracle and now we view her as a miracle times two. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on and am so thankful for all of the love and prayers that were sent in the years waiting for her arrival and in the days since her arrival.
We are so blessed.

Please welcome our new little love Evelyn Jean...born at 5 pounds, 14 ounces.

for this child...

"For this child we have prayed and the Lord has granted us the desires of our hearts."
-1 Samuel 1:27

At the beginning of 2015 we were challenged by our pastor to write down what we wanted God to do in our lives throughout the rest of the year. That night, as Coy and I lay in bed, we made a list. My list was filled with many things, with the constant theme centered around God blessing us with a baby this year. I also asked that God would use our journey to bring others closer to Him and that my story would show others the love and constant faithful of Jesus, even without the blessing of a baby.

Little did I know that just a few short months later God would grant us the greatest desire of our hearts after almost 4 years of waiting. (If you have missed our story up until this point you can catch up here, here, here, and here.) Looking back, this journey has been excruciating at times. It included more tears than I'd like to remember, too much heartache and disappointment to measure, and so much sorrow and confusion. And yet...looking back I can see God's hand in all of it. Yes, there were times when I turned away, angry at God; when I questioned His goodness, His love, and His mercy; and yes, there were times when I gave up praying up altogether because I had run out of the strength to pray again for a baby that never seemed like it would come. But it was in those times where His love was at it strongest. These times were when he kept us afloat. These were the times when others continued to pray for our miracle when we had run out prayers and hope.

And through all of the unanswered requests and confusion God remained faithful. Even in our darkest moments God's love never left our side. His presence was always there and His arms were always open. And I truly believe in my heart that even if we had not been able to conceive I would still be standing here now saying the same thing. We had heard so many stories of couples who had finally just given up and surrendered to the fact that they would live their lives without children and shortly after found out they were pregnant. And yet, as hard as we tried to force this feeling into our own lives it was not something that could be forced. It was a process. A process which was completed without us even knowing it. For years, my prayers were that I could fully surrender...and at times it felt like I had given our infertility completely to God... but then situations would arise and my own control would float to the surface again. Earlier this year was a time when I was feeling particularly good...happy, content, peaceful...and feeling like I had finally reached the place of full surrender. And then something happened...I un-expectantly hit rock bottom. I received a call from my sister with the joyous news that she was pregnant for the 4th time. Which is beautifully wonderful news, except when this news keeps happening to everyone else around you, except you. And just like that...all my peace and contentment was gone in an instant. I was alone when I got the news, which at the time made me angry but later realized that was probably a blessing. In that moment I lost all control. I cried harder and more than I probably have in my entire life. For the rest of the afternoon the tears would.not.stop. I literally felt as though I could not go on. I was out of strength. I was completely dry and empty and felt like I had nothing left. I cried out to God in a way that I had not done before. I pleaded with him to take this pain away from me. I begged him to take the desire for my own child away. I was desperate. I thought I had felt desperate before but this was a desperation like one I had never known. Through my tears I pleaded for perseverance and fell before him without any strength left in my body, heart, or spirit. It was official...I was empty. Looking back I was certain I had felt an emptiness like none other but little did I know I had much, much more that needed to be surrendered to God. I was completely empty. And while being empty is not a great place to be, being empty meant that I was ready to be filled by God and only God. And it was from this place of emptiness that God began to fill both Coy and I. It was from this moment on that we both began a process unbeknownst to us...we were moving on with our lives in a posture of surrender. Not a forced surrender or one that we planned and with great effort put into it, but almost a surrender that just happened and just was. From emptiness came a new and different type of hope and trust in the Lord. We had not given up on our hope for a baby but looking back we had both put our trust in God in a way we had not done before and therefore the daily struggle of infertility almost melted away and we lived our lives with a new sense of peace. We trusted God fully. He had taken care of us this far and we knew he would continue to do so. We were happy, content, and filled with peace. And all of this seemed to happen without us even knowing it- almost as if we woke up one day and suddenly realized that we would survive and life would go on and be beautiful and the Lord would continue to bless us...even without the baby we had been praying for.

So a few months later, when we finally received the biggest desire of our hearts it was truly when we least expected it. Since this moment our reliance on God has continued to be strengthened. We are continually learning that trusting in him can never cease. It is a daily choice and one we must both consciously choose.

The past almost four years have been some of the most difficult of my life. And yet, I never want to forget this journey...our journey. Our journey with each other, with Coy and I growing closer to each other through our silent pain. Our journey with God, with the ups and downs and everything in between. And our journey with others, because it is my constant hope that my journey has meant something to the others who have heard it. While forgetting would mean leaving behind all of the pain and tears it would also mean forgetting the reliance on God we have learned. Forgetting would mean taking away all of the pruning and working God did in our lives during this time. It would mean forgetting about the way He picked me up from my broken emptiness and restored and healed me so that I would be ready for his biggest blessing. My prayer is that I will always remember this struggle, a struggle that so many women face and yet many never receive the blessing we have been given. I pray that I will not just always remember this struggle and this journey but that I will use my story to show others the constant faithfulness of God. Because without him I cannot imagine how different this journey would have looked.

We have been so blessed with this precious gift and cannot wait to meet our little miracle in February!

Thailand: days 10-13

Day 10:
We spent this day at the resort. It was great to be able to just relax. We walked down to Jin's for lunch (for the fourth and final time of the week) and lounged around the beach and pool. A storm blew in late in the day, which was perfect timing and happened during our massage on the beach. In the early evening we walked a short distance up the road to the W Hotel. They have an outside lounge that overlooks the Gulf. We went early in the evening so were able to get a seat in their sunken couches.
After this we headed back to Maenam Beach for their street market. Although it is not as large as Fisherman's Village it was a good size. We had a few pre-dinner snacks and then finished the evening with dinner on the beach.

Day 11:
One day 9 we headed back to our favorite beach, Lamai. We called a taxi driver from a previous night and he drove us there, waited on us all day, and then drove us home. (He also drove us to the airport and was SO sweet!). We went back to the Black Pearl and got a small breakfast and a latte and were greeted by the sweet owner, who again offered us a place on the beach in front of his place.

We spent our final night in Koh Samui back at Fisherman's Village for the street market. Since this is only on Friday nights and since we were delirious the first time we went this was was much more enjoyable. We ate dinner by eating various street food, which was an excellent choice. We bartered, bargained and shopped. I wanted this night to go on forever...but it had to come an end...and luckily it ended with a songthaw (or tuk tuk) home - see the photo below. This was my favorite way to travel, as it was cheap and felt more local than just grabbing taxi.

Day 12-13:
We spent our last few early morning hours eating breakfast on the beach and sitting and taking in the gorgeous views.
We left Koh Samui early Sunday afternoon and arrived home Monday morning (our time). The trip was a few hours shorter on the way home but was still quite the trek. Unfortunately the Koh Samui airport is open-air so we started our long journey home by sweating while we waited on our flight. Fortunately however, we were lucky enough to have the only empty seat on the flight beside us on our longest flight home...giving us some extra comfort the 14 hour flight!

This was by the far the most amazing experience we have had thus far. I adore everything about Thailand. I love the culture. The people are amazing, so sweet, so kind, so friendly, and so eager to welcome visitors. The food was more than I could have expected. The views are something I will never forget and pictures will never do justice to. It was a perfect combination of relaxation (during our trip I got 5 massages and one pedicure!), adventure and sight-seeing. I cannot recommend Koh Samui enough and we can only hope that one day we will return.